Introspection
by akakurogin
Summary: [dropped] A look into the mind of one of the shitennou. Product of a bout of insomnia and a desire to write.
1. Default Chapter

I think somehow I'm starting to like writing in this style. I don't even know what to call this "style".   
  
Disclaimer - SM no belong to me.  
  
Introspection  
  
No, I don't think I loved her. How could I have? I mean, how can a single word describe what we were? And love… I don't believe in it. It's just a story, made up by noblewomen with nothing better to do.  
  
I enjoy being alone. I always have been. The only company I've ever needed were my books. To be a good ruler, and to serve my liege well, I needed to be well-read, especially since I served as the tactical commander. Then, when I met up with the other princes and Prince of Earth, Endymion, they somehow got to me, and all I needed were my books and them. At that point, it seemed like I had everything I ever wanted. It seemed like I had everything I ever needed. Then… the Moon and her allies took it into their heads to ally with Earth. Why Endymion? Why did we have to ally with them? We didn't have to, you know that! They wouldn't wage war on us. And attackers from outside would attack them first - they've got the outer planets to come through first. Plus anyone with a mind for strategy would know that any advantage would be important, including the element of surprise. Therefore clearly they would attack the allied forces first, since they're stronger and the surprise would be more helpful against them.  
  
Oh… but that's already happened. And I'm getting off-topic. I always do. I think about one thing and then go off on tangents. I guess it's part of my curiosity, is that I just like exploring all avenues - but I'm getting off topic again, aren't I? Yes I shall try to stay on topic. About… her.  
  
I don't know how she could have attracted my attention so much. I mean, as the prince of Europe, I have ladies and princesses at my any whim. Yet… I've never felt much for any of them. The supposed "beauties" of my kingdom just don't seem beautiful. Even trips to my friends' kingdoms, of Africa, Asia, Americas and Illusion, didn't result in any woman catching my eye. When I first saw her though - on that first, fateful visit to the moon, her beauty seemed to call to me. I mean, I noticed the other princesses also. They were all beautiful, but in a sense that, in my eyes, was already overdone and overexposed. You know how when you have too much of a good thing, it stops being extraordinary and is just ordinary? Same with their kind of beauty. Oh sure, they were levels beyond that of the women I saw daily, but still. Done and killed.  
  
Her…she was different. She had a different kind of beauty. I was slightly disappointed we didn't get to talk much at that "welcome" meeting, but I would see her later that night. There was a ball, in honor of us, the "guests" from Earth.  
  
It was perhaps one of the most horrible experiences I've ever been subject to. I mean, politicians glared - weak as they appeared, I doubt they could've done anything more harmful -military men shadowed us as though we were terrorists, ladies stared as if we were bits of jewelry to be fought over and easily claimed, nobles turned their noses to demonstrate what they thought of our Earthly clothing. I felt more like a cheap display piece than a celebrated intellect and ambassador. I'm not saying I didn't like the attention of the women. But I still think they could've treated us more like human beings than as chattel to be bargained. Yet that seems paradoxical, don't you think? For aren't women the ones considered inferior to men, and given to their husbands family, along with money as if thanking them for taking away the girl? Aren't they the ones treated like property? So then how could they make me feel like that?  
  
Oh sorry… I'm going off topic again, aren't I? I don't quite feel myself when talking about her. She seems to make me, well, almost a different man. Anyway, that night, she was different from the other women. In fact, she was different from everyone else in the room. She didn't seem interested in the five of us at all! No, rather, she just slowly moved about the room, apparently trying not to catch attention by moving too fast or by becoming a new statue decoration to the room.  
  
I guess it was almost her shyness, perhaps, that attracted me. Or maybe it was because of how different she seemed from the other women. I mean, lesser-born women practically threw themselves at my colleagues and myself. But her… well, her and the other four planetary princesses, they were different. And yet, she was the only one that really caught my eye that night. I mean, oh sure I danced with the others. The Martian princess had been particularly delightful to dance with - elegant, mysterious, clairvoyant. Still, she was lacking the quality that truly attracted me - the quality only *she* possessed.  
  
I kept an eye on her while making small talk along the side with some of the politicians and army bigwigs. I didn't really care much for their discussion - the topic of the conversations seemed more fitting for Kunzite the leader and Nephrite the smooth talker. Me… I was strategy. I didn't much care for the other sides of my position. Still, it was better than dancing with the goggle-eyed women flooding the room. As the night wore on, I saw her making her way to the balcony, as though to escape. Making up some hurried excuse, I left the windbags to their talk and hurried to catch up to her. What possessed me at that moment, I do not know.   
  
In any case, after bumping into at least four couples and two waiters, I finally reached the same balcony she had exited onto, only to find not a trace of her having ever been here. Apparently grand stairs connected the second-story landing - not balcony, as I had thought - to the garden grounds outside. I had been planning to return to the ballroom, and to give up on her that one night, when I noticed a flash of blue right below me. Oh… you would not believe the haste I used in jumping down those flights of stairs. I was sure I would disprove the age-old adage "haste makes waste." Boy was I wrong - just as I was about to hop over the last few stairs - I don't remember what happened exactly. All I remember was that one minute, I was excitedly planning our first meeting, and the next, I had broken my nose on pavement. 


	2. Chapter 2

I apologize for how long it's taken for this chapter to come out, and would like to say that chances are it will take awhile for anything else to come as well. I'm just too busy with college. Gomen nasai, minna.  
  
Disclaimer - SM no belong to me.  
  
Introspection  
  
Chapter Two  
  
She had been so professional. Our first conversation did not go at all as I had planned. Rather a stupid fantasy, too, now that I know her better. I had imagined that I would sneak up behind her, and charm her with my looks, wits, intelligence… anything that may have attracted her. I should've guessed that those traits, so useful in winning over most women, would not work on her. Still, in no nightmare have I ever been so embarrassed, as for our first words to be, "Oh! Are you all right sire?"  
  
"Itai… iie, I think my nose is broken."  
  
She acted right away, pushing me up to a sitting position and, kneeling in front of me, examined my nose. There had been one bright side to our meeting this way though - she was closer to me than she would've allowed had I not been hurt. Knowing her as I do now, if she had not considered me a patient but as a man, she would not have touched me - much less my face - nor even have placed her sweet face so close to mine. She called up some sort of visor and hand computer. I suppose that night, underneath the stars, she had first shown me some of her capabilities as Princess Mercury. After she determined that my nose would be OK and had produced a bandage-brace thing from somewhere - I still know not where - we got to talking about other things. In a moment, when we moved to sit on the first step of the stairs, side-by-side, the doctor persona disappeared, and the shy girl returned. We exchanged standard information, like name, age, titles, hobbies, and the like.  
  
When I asked her about her dream, she told me she would someday become a great doctor. I laughed, and said that was not a fit dream for a princess. She glared at me with such a feverish intent in her eyes, I was appalled. That night, she sure put me into my place. She told me that princess or not, she wanted to help keep more people from dying. I suppose, as Sailor Mercury, I had expected her to be more cold and calculating. The woman-child I had in front of me was anything but - she actually hurt for those she had to kill in battle. I remember thinking that someday, she would become a formidable doctor.  
  
I told her about my dreams to become a scholar. I told her that I had always hated the corruption I found in the nobility of my kingdom, and that once I was King, I would do my best to bring justice back to the world. It was her turn to smile now. We argued, I know not how long, about the possibility of having a clean government.  
  
Once, as she was heatedly discussing human nature, I heard the orchestra inside begin my favorite song. Heh. Jadeite always had two things to say about that song - first that I could hear it playing anywhere within a five mile radius (which is *not* true) and second that it was the only song that could ever get me to willingly dance. The latter statement probably was true. It's not that I couldn't dance; I was a pretty good dancer, if I do say so myself. I just didn't like dancing. In any case, once I heard it, I immediately stood up and asked her to dance. The look on her face had been priceless. I could see the millisecond my words rang an understanding in her mind reflected on her face, the sapphire blue eyes widening, the gentle arch of her eyebrows lifting and stiffening, her small, prim mouth opening and closing in utter shock. Finally, after some cajoling and promises that no one else would see us, I got her to agree to dance, "for one song only."  
  
I had liked to think I was well on my way to becoming a friend of hers that night, and possibly even had the chance of becoming a suitor one day, hopefully not in the far future. But when she still hadn't told me her name by the end of the night, and I was left calling her Princess Mercury… I started to have my doubts.  
  
Still, the next few days on the Moon were nothing short of magical. Now don't get me wrong; I am still a scholar and scientist and I don't believe in magic - outside of the extraordinary powers the princesses and senshi, Endymion, and other shitennou and I were born with, and of course, the powers of our enemies. OK fine, maybe I do believe in a little magic. But I don't believe in fate. Well, but then there's Sailor Pluto and the Gate of Time… OK fine. I believe in a sort of fate. I believe that there are these.. let's call them knots in the timeline of a person's life. There are many threads and paths one may take - some long, some short, some windy, some straight, some easy, some tough, you get the idea. Which path one takes is up to that person. But no matter what, those knots are the events that are destined to happen in that person's life - the fate that cannot be escaped. For instance, Serenity was always destined to marry Endymion - the only question was how long it would take and what would happen in between. But now I am way off topic again, aren't I.  
  
So I was talking about the days after the ball, right? Well, negotiations were pretty standard, although on a higher scale. I mean, it was the first time any of us had represented our *planet* in forming an alliance. Even Jadeite was serious during most of the talks. Queen Serenity headed the table and the discussion, with her advisor Luna and the senshi leader's advisor Artemis at the bottom of the table. We, the representatives from Earth, sat on one side of the table. Our senshi counterparts - the senshi in charge of the same area - sat directly opposite us. I had known that Sailor Mercury was my counterpart as tactical commander; I just didn't expect her to be so skilled. I mean, the capabilities of the Moon Queen's senshi were legendary, but so were ours! Luckily both sides seemed to want basically the same thing, so everything had been working out OK.  
  
After negotiations, we would have some time to ourselves, for resting and whatnot. Princess Mercury and I spent a lot of that time together. We started out by just taking walks, sometimes in the gardens, sometimes along the lake - pretty much anywhere we happened to be. We shared stories of our childhood and stories of training along with the others. She told me about when she first arrived at the Moon, and when they were first training with their powers. Her laughs were so carefree when she told me about how Sailor Mars had nearly burned off part of her own hair. She was different from the other women when listening to my stories, too - she actually truly *listened* to me. She wasn't one of those who pretended to listen and nodded every once in a while, all the time wondering when you'd shut up. No, she really wanted to hear what I was telling her.  
  
When we found out that both of us enjoyed reading, we'd sometimes browse the huge Moon Palace library together, and search for interesting reads. We would curl up in a corner somewhere, and read together. It didn't matter what kind of book it was, whether it be fiction, non-fiction, science, adventure, romance, anything. As long as I was with her, I would've been happy reading the most boring of all books.   
  
Sometimes, we'd have little disputes in beliefs, which would be brought up by the books. In some cases, we would start having mini debates about the issues. For instance, she favored science in everything, even in altering genetics. She was showing me her lab (which, by the way, was huge, even compared to mine), and I saw some models that looked very detailed about genetics. She started telling me about her gene decoding projects. She felt that if we could decode our people's DNA, that we could read in fetuses if they had any genetical defects. Then, by altering the unborn child's DNA, we'd be able to keep the defects from developing. I, on the other hand, think we should let nature take its course. I mean, you never know; what a doctor reading the DNA may have considered a harmful defect may actually turn out to be a beneficial mutation, demonstrating human evolution. In addition, perhaps some people are destined to have handicaps dealt to them in the beginning of their life, to last for a lifetime. Maybe it would lead them to one of the knots in his or her destiny. Perhaps it would help them overcome a worse difficulty later in life.  
  
I really need help keeping on topic, don't I? Anyway, I noticed a chess set in her lab, so I asked her if she played. Now that was a stupid question - the set was in her lab, so of course she played. But if she noticed my slip-up, she didn't say anything about it. She just agreed, and we sat down for a game. It turned out to be one of the most interesting games of my lifetime – at least so far. I doubt many games can have anything like that happen again. 


End file.
